if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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