"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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