You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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