3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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