The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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