Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
