exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
