but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
