Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
