She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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