I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
