There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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