I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
