he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
