Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
