I just pynch a tree in the face
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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