i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
