in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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