Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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