After last night, I could never be a politician.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
