man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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