He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
