no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
