I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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