This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
