I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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