I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
