I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So much Jack, so little girl.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
