I think im going to throw up on grandma
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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