Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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