I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
