thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Your cock deserves a montage
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
