and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize