More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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