I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
