Your dad touched me again.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
