God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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