ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
