Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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