I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
ttyl tear gas
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
