I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
