dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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