Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
