did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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