I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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