Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
a search helicopter?!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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