You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
