I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
