Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
