I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
