So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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