bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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