Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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