I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
