Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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