:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
