Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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