I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize