Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
