i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I fill condoms, not promises.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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