I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
