yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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