Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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