he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
